Saturday, June 30, 2012

can they even hear me?

with 4 kids under 3...i repeat myself a lot.

usually by the end of the day i end up asking myself, 'can they even hear me?'

this is part of a street art collection...check out
i also teach a class of 11-13 year old girls...they are awesome...but almost teenagers...and i end up asking myself... 'can they even hear me?'

then i write this...and i wonder...
 'can they even hear me?'

i so badly want to make an impact...but i am just small and imperfect.  not even claiming righteousness...only love for Jesus...

am i wasting my breath trying to tell people about the freedom that God wants for them...and even if i am...if no one can hear me...does it matter?  or is my obedience enough to make an impact of its own?

Friday, June 29, 2012


 i just reconnected with a guy i knew in elementary school.

after a brief introduction i realized he had no clue who i was.  and some ways into the conversation finally he said 'sorry...i don't remember you.  maybe you have me confused with someone else.'  so i went thru a list of our classmates.  he rememberd them all...but not me.  i went thru a list of teachers we had in common.  he relayed stories about them and projects...but he still didn't remember me. 

then i said 'well, i was always the smallest in the class and i remember you being taller so maybe we weren't near eachother in class very often.'

instantly he rememberd who i was.  'yeah!  you were the really small girl!'

sigh.  yes...i was the really small girl.

topping out at 5ft...i still am the small girl...well...short pregnancy weight sort of eliminates the 'small' title.

i want to be so much like Jesus that people will remember me by His characteristics.

i hope people will say 'oh're the girl that stood up for what was right and had compassion on the people that didn't deserve it.  you're the one that was joyful in the face of trials and spoke the truth in love.' ...'and you were really small'...

how do you want to be remembered?

Wednesday, June 27, 2012


so...i re-joined mops steering team for the coming year...

...the theme is plunge...

...and right away i started to get overwhelmed as did the newer members...

...that's when this dropped into my spirit...

the water's only as deep as i want it to be...'s super deep.  God's plan for me is waaaaay over my head.  deeper and more powerful than anything i can imagine.  but it doesn't start out that way.
first i can walk on the dry sand...then the wet sand...then put my toes in the water. 
eventually i may get in so deep as my knees.  but that's when it gets hard. 

the surf is strong...much stronger than it looks
and it is scary as i watch people
get smashed to the sand all around me - 
people that are focusing on the surf...and losing their footing...

and then i get in about neck deep and a weird thing happens...
instead of struggling against the carries me.
that is a super cool feeling.

Father God wants me to get in over my head so He can show up and lift me above the currant.

but i don't have to dive in right away...i can step in a little at a time.

and the water is only as deep as i want it to be.

may you step in to the water that God is calling you to
and not be overwhelmed by the depth.

...the water is only as deep as you want it to be...

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

new siblings

my kids love their baby brother.

they want to hold him, feed him, kiss him, play with him, read to him...sometimes they even fight over him.

wouldn't it be awesome if we were like that with our new siblings in the faith? 

when someone makes the decision to make God their Father, we could encourage them, share with them, pray with them, guide them...

...maybe not fight over them though...

little 'helpers'

my girls are doing really well with the potty training...but i am tired of cleaning pee up off the floor. 
no, they aren't having accidents. 

they are 'being mommy's little helpers' and dumping the potties 'into' the toilet...(more like 'next to')...

i wouldn't mind them doing it...i understand that they are trying to be like me...trying to help me...but it makes such a mess.

aaaaaaand once again Father God chimes in with His dollar fifty...(because the Creator of the universe deserves more than 2 cents).

i do a lot of 'helping' God...

my motives are good but i am doing things to make things happen, to get things i think He doesn't know how do it on His own?

i don't know.  but i try to help out...

and i make a mess.

God patiently cleans up the mess...and says, 'daughter, this is Daddy's job.  please, let me do my job. i see your heart motives are pure...but please, don't try to help anymore.'

Monday, June 25, 2012


my gps has been extremely helpful on my trips to cleveland clinic for the baby...i would be completely lost without it...

what i love about gps is that i can take wrong turns.  i can pull in to starbucks and she says 'recalibrating' and gets me back on the right road.  i can take an unfortunate detour and she says 'recalibrating' and all of a sudden i am where i needed to be.  i can get distracted and end up on a beautiful residential street...albeit the wrong residential street...and she says 'recalibrating' and points me in the right direction.

the nice gps lady always says 'recalibrating' and gives me the route to take to my destination.

one of my friends was playing around with her gps and after so many wrong turns it said 'there is a better way'.

hmm...the Holy Spirit is a great guide as well.

i have a destination - God's perfect plan for me.  but i take all kinds of wrong turns.  some are deliberate...inexcusable moments of selfishness that require repentance and a u-turn.  some are detours that i have no control over.  and some wrong turns are a result of me just not paying attention.

everytime i make a wrong turn...i can feel the Holy Spirit saying 'recalibrating...there is a better way'.

Isaiah 30:21
Whether you turn to the right or to the left,
your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying,
“This is the way; walk in it."

Sunday, June 24, 2012


i'm not a super green person.  i don't always recycle.  i don't shut my water off in the middle of my shower to suds up.  i have thrown frenchfries to the seagulls in the mall parking lot *gasp*.

however, litter irritates me.

God created nature to be so beautiful and to function so well...
then we come along and screw things up.  we throw garbage into God's work.

Psalm 139:14
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

you are a beautiful...wonderful...miraculous creation of God.
don't let anyone...ANYONE...throw garbage into God's work in you.

you deserve more.  so does He.

Saturday, June 23, 2012


i was so proud of my son today. 

we were in a parade and he threw candy from the stroller.  when we reached the end, we doubled around and watched the rest of the floats and trucks go by.  the little girl next to us reached into her candy bag and gave my son a few tootsie rolls.  he was completely thrilled. 

on the way home we passed some 13 year olds with garbage bags full of candy...they were cheering and showing their spoils...he said 'hey, look at this' and tried to show them his fist full of candy.

part of me expected him to be jealous or disappointed but he was happy with his few pieces of candy...and so so so grateful.

...i think i need to be more like that. 

Friday, June 22, 2012

Psalm 13

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, 
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation. 
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.

...i love this psalm.
when i read this, i imagine david...screaming at the top of his lungs...'God, where the heck are you!?!' i have often felt that mix of despair and anger...i take long drives just bawling my eyes out...hollering and bellyaching...until my eyes and lips swell up.

i am so thankful that God is secure enough to handle me.  i can just rip into Him...i can pound on His chest...and He can take fists aren't going to hurt Him... 

i think He would really prefer the honesty to batting eyelashes, unicorns and rainbows...

but what really makes this psalm awesome is those last two sentences.  it's like david sighs and takes a reality check...that God's plan is perfect and that even though we may feel like He's not there...we can trust Him.

sigh...may you trust in His unfailing love...may you rejoice in His salvation...may you sing the Lord's praise...and remember that He has been good to you...

Thursday, June 21, 2012

my favorite verse

a person's favorite verse reveals a lot about them.
here's mine

Psalm 45:10-11
Now listen, daughter, don't miss a word:
forget your country, put your home behind you.
Be here—the king is wild for you.
Since he's your lord, adore him.

in college i was dealing with a lot of the scars that a religious upbringing can leave behind and trying to find love and worth somewhere.  in a moment of desperation God gave me this verse.

He was telling me to forget the past...where i came from...what i'd been thru.  and to be present with Him in the moment. 

'the king is wild for you.'  ...that always stirs up my spirit...and makes me giggle a little.  we don't often associate a king with being wild.  it's an uncommon trait.  kings are well groomed and composed.  they follow tradition...they are anything but wild. King Jesus is wild...he gets his hair all messed up, forgets His manners, and throws the schedule out the window.  for me.

that's so crazy.
and wonderful.

He saw me walk into the room and just went nuts...hehehe.

so...because He is my Lord...i will adore Him...

may you realize that the King is wild for you as well and may you learn to adore Him with all that is in you.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

rootbeer in my icecream

my 3 year old was angry with his dad the other day...really really angry.  we have been encouraging him to put words to his emotions rather than just crying so i asked him to explain what was wrong...
his answered, 'dad!  i'm mad that you put rootbeer in my icecream!'


after 20 minutes of whining and pouting he finally tried it and really enjoyed his float...

i think i'm like that sometimes with Father God.

i have this little bit of what i think is just fabulous and God does something that i don't reaction?

i get angry.  i sob 'why God?!  why did you put rootbeer in my icecream!?!?'  ...i shake my fists...i pout...i whine...i sulk...

meanwhile, God is like...just taste it...i want to introduce you to something new and wonderful...i am trying to bless you if you would just trust me...

may you enjoy whatever God is doing in your life...even if you don't understand it...

Tuesday, June 19, 2012


i love summer...

there are few things more wonderful than driving with the windows whipping all over the filling the atmosphere...the fresh air...the...
wait...ugh...the smell of roadkill.

it's funny (or not so funny) 
most of the time...
you can smell roadkill waaaay before you can see it.

it's pretty gross...

my favorite things about my
hometown are the smells...
let me give you a tour...

coffee and chocolate - you're within a block of the local coffee shop (my favorite place in the world)
old books - in the beautiful public library
freshly baked bread - within a mile of the local bakery (probably at the back of the line...)
mowed grass - on the high school football field (go tornadoes!)
cow poo -  ...did i mention i came from an agricultural town?

our olfactory memories are often some of the most vivid...old spice makes me long for my grampa's lap...and preferred stock makes me gag at the memory of a bad date...

marketing experts even use our sense of smell to gain control of our wallets.  walk thru the mall with your eyes closed and you'll be surprised at how often you can recognize what store you are near by it's signature scent.  if you go early the stores are opening you will see many employees spraying the air in their doorways.

but this fragrant advertising is nothing new...

2 Corinthians 2:14-16
...Everywhere we go, people breathe in the exquisite fragrance [of the knowledge of Christ]. Because of Christ, we give off a sweet scent rising to God, which is recognized by those on the way of salvation—an aroma redolent with life. But those on the way to destruction treat us more like the stench from a rotting corpse.

when my husband and i were dating i stole a sweatshirt from him...and i kept it and wore it often...and never washed it...(ick!)
it smelled like him because it had been near him. 

my baby boy gets passed around at family gatherings and whooee does he smell strong afterwards!  (aunt matilda's rosewater does not mix well with uncle jack's musk and neither of them compliment the smell of grama aida's nicotine habit...) he picks up all their scents because he has spent time being close with them.

so i hope you get where i am going.

this sharing Jesus that we are called to do as we follow doesn't have to be hard.  we just have to spend time with Jesus and as He refines us and makes us what He wants us to be...our aroma will be recognizable.  some people will love it and will be drawn to us.  others will despise it and will reject us (don't take it personally).  when we walk into a meeting or a class or a gathering or a party or even a grocery store...people should notice...

'sniff sniff'...'is that?'  'i can't quite put my finger on it'...'sniff sniff sniff'...  'hey...have you been with Jesus today?'


may you be saturated by the sweet scent of Christ so that people from miles around will notice and say whooeee! 

Monday, June 18, 2012

well officer...

sorry mom...but i had to post this...

one day my mother got pulled over. 

the officer said angrily,
'maam, did you realize that you pulled out right in front of me?!'
my mom boldly replied,
'well officer, you were coming kind of fast!'

true story.

...we should be able to be this bold with our spiritual authority. 
pastors, teachers, mentors, etc...they are to be respected. 

...but they are human...and people don't belong on pedestals...

a good leader welcomes loving, respectful accountability...

any thoughts?

Sunday, June 17, 2012

get out your ladder...

this piece really inspired me.  i regret to say i have no clue who painted i can't give them the credit they deserve.

my title: 'the only way to eat an elephant' reminds me that even though life and all of it's parts seem huge...and extremely overwhelming.  i can function without stress if i take it one 'bite' at a time. my elephant symbolizes the things in my life that are bigger than i am.  which is just about everything.  i could be completely paralyzed by the prospects of all i have to do and all i have to be...or i can climb on up.

these life elephants are a great vantage point from which to witness the beauty of all God is doing in and around us.

may you get out your ladder today...

Saturday, June 16, 2012

prayer request...

if you would please pray for my youngest...

he has a large 'birthmark' forming between his we went to see a pediatric dermatologist to see what our options are.

the doctor said that there is a good chance that the veins that feed it are directly linked to the brain. 
if that is the case it is the difference between a topical cream and neurosurgery...risk of impetigo or risk of encephalitis.

so pending an ultrasound and mri we will prayerfully pursue whatever the doctor suggests.

please pray with us. 

thanks so much...



it's a common theme...i'll just hit the main point.  masks are not good.  when we wear masks we are not being true to ourselves...our view is distorted and when people see us they see the mask in stead of the person underneath.

...but sometimes wearing a mask keeps us safe.  they can keep us from drowning and give us fresh air when we are in a bad environment. 

facebook is one place where everyone wears a mask.  it is necessary for survival.

a friend of mine has triplets and posts pictures often.  i commented on how amazing she is because has lost a ton of weight and has a clean house and her kids are so stinking cute.  her reply?  'nobody posts the crappy pictures.'

so true.  i don't have pictures up on facebook of my kids fighting, pee puddles on my new floor, me losing my temper (or pigging out from stress).

so sometimes wearing a mask is not that bad...just as long as we don't forget that it's not's a distorted 'this is what i wish my life were like'...

it would be depressing if i started comparing myself to my friends facebook pages.  and i know i have spent agonizing hours trying to find a profile picture that makes me look 10 lbs thinner.

...may you peel off your mask when you are in open air...and see thru the masks of others to their reality...

Friday, June 15, 2012

what are we trying to prove?

we exhaust ourselves of all energy and joy to fulfil someone else's expectations for us.  and we worry ourselves into a lather when we fall short (which we almost always do).

what are we trying to prove?

here is what i have struggled with this week alone:

i'm not a good enough mother...i am raising my kids wrong...i am too strict...i am too lenient...
i'm not a good enough wife...i am not as attractive as my husband would like...i don't speak his love language often enough...
i'm not a good enough housekeeper...i don't do dishes or laundry the right way...i don't have a dust free or clutter free house
i'm not a good enough Christian...i screw up nearly every day in one area or another...i don't read my bible or pray as often as i should

what am i trying to prove?

1 Samuel 16:7
..."The LORD does not look at the things people look at.
People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

in my heart i want to be an amazing mother...raising my children to be free in Christ and to be healthy in every aspect of their lives...but my flesh is impatient.
in my heart i want to be an amazing that my husband is not even tempted to look elsewhere because all his needs are fulfilled right here...but my flesh is selfish
in my heart i want to be an amazing housekeeper...i want to have the kind of home that people enjoy coming to...and that people admire...but my flesh is lazy.
in my heart i want to be an amazing Christian...i want God to say 'i love her so much it hurts'...but my flesh flesh doesn't matter.  God still says 'i love her so much it hurts'.  and He doesn't require proof of our worth.  His love is proof enough

Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

may you realize God's love for you and stop trying to prove your worth.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

dog vomit

why do we feel obligated to certain people?

we know that certain relationships aren't good for us...they are poisonous even...

the gossips...the nags...the critics...the people that make you question your relationship with God...the people that make you want to rip out your hair...or theirs.

yet still we return.


i do so well for so long.  i grow and become independant.  i trust God.  i 'lean not on my own understanding'.  then i go back to those unhealthy relationships like i think things will be different.  i tell myself...'they need me' or 'i need them' or 'they're supposed to be part of my life'.

for some reason this verse comes to mind...

Proverbs 26:11
As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.

i guess that doesn't say much for those people...or for myself for that matter...but that's the verse that is rolling over and over again in my's like God is saying 'when will you learn?'

may you learn from your mistakes and not repeat them...and avoid those that can make you sick...

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


disappointments come in all shapes and sizes...

the new recipe wasn't as good as you'd hoped.  even after studying all night you still did poorly on the test.  you worked up the courage to try out but didn't make the cut.  your toddler throws a fit during family pictures.  you only lost one pound this week and didn't even cheat. sickness passed through the whole family and then you get it just as everyone else is back to normal.  after a misunderstanding at work you are left alone to deal with a major project your husband forgets a special day.  the beach vacation you've been saving for is spoiled by rain.  you accidentally throw a new sweater in the now your dog has a new sweater. a friend is wrapped up in their own trials when you need them most.  your favorite show is cancelled.  your teenager isn't living up to their potential.  you spend $50 for a haircut that you hate.  your retirement...well so much for your retirement.

things don't go as planned.

if you had asked me 10 years ago what my life would be like today (june 13, 2012) i would have said i was going to be on broadway and running workshops in new york.

if you had asked me 5 years ago as a newlywed...i was going to be involved in full time ministry and maybe on the mission field.

if you had asked me 3 years ago as a new mom...things would be calming down now as my son entered preschool and i had some time to myself again.

if you had asked me 3 weeks ago i would have joyfully told you about how much i am enjoying my last little one and what a blessing it is that he is such an easy baby.

but things don't go as planned. i am not on broadway.  i am not involved in full time ministry.  i have no time to myself. and due to slow weight gain i am having to force feed my now fussy 4th child with a bottle that he is not willing to take or else he will face time in the hospital.

i am disappointed. but enough about us...

Jeremiah 29:11
...I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you,
not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

Proverbs 16:1
Mortals make elaborate plans, but God has the last word.

Proverbs 19:21
We humans keep brainstorming options and plans, but God's purpose prevails.

Jeremiah 1:5
"Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. 
Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you: 
A prophet to the nations— that's what I had in mind for you."

Luke 14:33
"Simply put, i
f you're not willing to take what is dearest to you,
whether plans or people,
and kiss it good-bye, you can't be my disciple."


alright God.  i get it.  You're absolutely right.  i would much rather the Creator of the universe who sees all things and knows all things...plan my life...than imperfect me.  ...sigh...

...i just wish it wasn't so disappointing sometimes...

may you walk with God and follow His plan...even when you are disappointed.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

accident free!

today has been a glorious accident free day!  we even went to the mall...i brought along 12 extra changes of undies...but didn't need any of them.  what a relief!

i realize though...this is just one day...a very good day...but just one day.  these sweet kiddos of mine are not masters of using the least not yet.

as a matter of fact...if the circumstances were set up in a certain way...i could even have an accident.  and i've been potty trained for a loooong time.

we make mistakes...we have good days and bad days.

i'm so thankful for God's grace when i make mistakes...when i struggle with the same old thing...when i take forever to master something...

Monday, June 11, 2012

i could be inspiring...or...


Proverbs 10:19
The more talk, the less truth; the wise measure their words.


Ecclesiastes 5:2
...God is in heaven and you are on earth,
so let your words be few. 

so...i guess that's it for today.

may you...umm...yeah...

Sunday, June 10, 2012

long enough...

my 2 year old girls are potty training.  it's a lot of work...but i have a few helpful tools up my sleeve.  my favorite little trick is the 'i spy' book.  we have several of them in our bathroom.  simple enough for a toddler to enjoy...but some of those pictures are hidden enough to keep those kiddos sitting in one spot for...long enough.

people can be like that sometimes. 

i have this picture in my mind of the qualities i'd like to see in a person...honesty...forthrightness...kindness...thankfulness...grace...humility. 
not to mention the fruit of the spirit...and a certain...Christlikeness.

those qualities aren't always evident in the people around us.  in our our children...our in ourselves.

it's unfortunate.

however...if i look hard enough...sit long enough...those qualities become apparent.  and once we have found Jesus in those around us He stands out and we can't miss Him.

...may you look hard enough
          and sit long enough to find Jesus in those around you
                    ...even when He is really well hidden...

Saturday, June 9, 2012

gas...just let it out!

if you are easily offended by
 the crassness of natural processes...
either skip this post or get over it.

i have the gassiest baby on the planet.  he'll be laying next to me on the couch or playing on the floor and then he will screw up his face, grunt and let it rip. it makes me giggle like a middle schooler.  sometimes he sounds like a grown man!

when i was in college i would hang out with a great group of people.  we would eat a bunch of food that was bad for you and then hang out until dawn...and i would always end up with gas...i would hold it in until i was shaking because it hurt so bad.

sometimes we do that with our frustrations.  we get angry...people annoy us.  just simple misunderstandings linger under the surface bubbling away... 

the thing is.  these emotions, locked away in our hearts will make us sick.  so go ahead and let it out.

now...i'm not saying you should unleash your anger on innocent bystanders.  and it's really not pleasant to fart at the dinner table...but there are appropriate 'clear the air'.  (pun totally intended)

find those safe places and let it allllll out.  you will feel so much better and you will be so much healthier.

i can just imagine Father God giggling as His child releases that which could hurt her in a healthy and natural way.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

salt water taffy

a mighty woman of God prayed over me yesterday...she prayed that God would be with me as He stretches me...

as she was praying, i had this great vision of salt water taffy. 

so i looked it up in my abundant free time...

you know what's taffy is being stretched...that's when the flavor and color is added.  flavor and color is what makes taffy so delightful.

interesting...because as i am being stretched so thin by the life God has given me...God is adding a unique flavor and color to my personality and my character.

and He is delighted in me...
               ...that's all that matters...

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

false bottom drawer

we have a desk that has a false bottom drawer. was my desk when i was a kid...i always thought it was so cool.  a great hiding place for little snacks (no, i don't have any food issues at all...)

now i don't hide snacks...honestly...well...not there, anyway...but it is a good place for little things like the extra set of keys, our social security cards, etc.  it's a little can search and search and even completely empty the desk...but if you don't know that the false bottom drawer is there (or if you conveniently forget...) then you have no clue where the spare keys are...hmmm...

so...does your heart have a false bottom drawer?

maybe you've given your heart to God.  emptied all your receipts of rights and wrongs, all your bills of needs and requested provisions, all your address book of friends and family...all of who you are.

but there's still that false bottom drawer.  and a little something might be hiding in the very back... maybe unforgiveness toward a loved one...or a grudge against a church or denomination for how you were treated...even something as innocent as a bad habit. see...God's Son Jesus is a carpenter...
He built your heart.  He knows about that false bottom you might as well give Him that last little thing you're holding back...

Psalm 139:23-24
"Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

the mind of Christ

1 Corinthians 2:15-16
"The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, for, “Who has known the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ."

hmmm...i love this verse.  '...we have the mind of Christ.' awesome.

but, unfortunately...we don't always have the mind of Christ, do we?
sometimes we decide to take it off like a hat.

we can wear it all the time...we could think like Jesus always...
His love...His joy...His peace...His patience...
His kindness...His goodness...His gentleness...
His faithfulness...His self-control...His self-esteem...
His security...His righteousness...His integrity...
His faith...His power...His purity...

but we forget...and we take it off...or we think we lost it...or we think someone has stolen it from us.

...God's Word doesn't say that though...
          ...God's Word says 'we have the mind of Christ.'
                    ...let's not take it off.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


before i had kids i was pretty good at yoga...well...not this good...

but pretty good...

i used to be able to stand on one foot forever...i had great balance.


sometimes that word drives me nuts.  i will be all passionate about something and some wise person with a level head,  fiscal responsibility and expectations based on reality will come and 'balance' my plans.

of course...i married one of those wise people.

it makes things difficult when your husband won't 'allow' you to burn yourself out.

i love the guy...

anyway.  before he came along i had to figure things out the hard way.
in high school i dedicated all of my time and energy to musicals and plays...never really excelled in anything else...never really tried anything else.  (especially not english...hence the choppy writing style...sorry.)
in college i dedicated myself heart and soul to my ministry.  it was awesome.  God did some great things...and had to totally provide for me because i certainly didn't have room on my list of priorities for a paying job.  (thankfully, God is faithful to His word and did provide for all of my needs.)

now i'm a real adult.  
i have too many things that are too important to let slip to the bottom of my priority list. first love
my husband and marriage (they are separate entities sometimes believe it or not)
each of my kids as individuals and my children as a whole
close friends
investing into anyone God brings my way
my own health and well being
extended family
church commitments (vbs, and Christmas musical are the two biggies)
serving my community

what's tough is that sometimes (like vbs week, for instance) things get out of balance.  they have to...there is only so much of me to go around.
my husband feels neglected in fact (this is embarrassing) facebook just reminded me that my anniversary is coming close friend went thru a really traumatic event and i was unavailable for mom is out of town and i haven't talked to her since she left...i'm not sure if i ate breakfast at all this week and i certainly haven't had the chance to exercise...

but kids are learning about Jesus. 

i know that i am doing what God wants me to do...and i just have to trust that He will take care of those things that i am not able to take care of...until i am back into balance...

Monday, June 4, 2012


it's vbs week and i am completely exhausted...

it would be easy to get grumbly with my family...gossipy with my friends...and snippy with the kids...but i am holding on to the Word...

Proverbs 11:25
"A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed."

so after all this is over...the decorations are cleaned up and the kids all on vacation for the summer...maybe God will pour me a big glass of spiritual lemonade...mmm :)

so...let's see...spiritual apt word of encouragement?   the fruit of obedience in my own children?  some intimate time with Jesus? 

anything would satisfy me...
maybe even a little weight loss...

are you serving others and
finding yourself exhausted? 

may you enjoy some spiritual lemonade!
     ...there is plenty to go around...

Sunday, June 3, 2012

my cup overflows...cont.

so...after some extended prayer i realized i wasn't quite done with that last post.

we spillers (i was so encouraged to see that i am not alone) tend to have dark flooring and avoid wearing white.  i am not good at pre-treating...even though i do own a tide pen for every handbag.  resolve is a good friend of mine...thankfully our carpet was old and well stained before we moved in so i didn't feel so bad when i intiated it with a spill on moving day.

i have even spilled on the ceiling (yes, it is possible...yes, it was a huge mess...and was hilarious!)

before we replaced our carpet, i had one particular stain that i was sort of fond of (i know..i'm completely weird) i spilled my coffee the first time i felt my youngest son kick inside my belly. in the whirlwind of firsts we have at our house some tend to get lost...but i had a constant reminder of that sweet joy was marked in the coffee stain on my floor.

so referring to yesterday...about your cup running over...

where is the evidence?  is the carpet of your life stained by all your bubbling joy? 

i'd love to hear about some of your stains...times in your life that will always be fond memories because of your cup overflowing...

my cup overflows...

i am a spiller.
it very well may be encoded in my dna that i will spill nearly every drink i touch (sometimes even if it has a lid...)

Psalm 23:5
"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows."

this morning i poured my coffee and it spilled. didn't just spill...i was using a shallow cup and it in the coffee hit the bottom of the cup and decided it would rather be on the counter.

sigh.  it was good coffee too... Father reminded me that THAT is how he wants my cup to overflow with joy, peace, kindness, and with blessing.

not a slight spill or a little drippage...He wants it to dump all over everything and saturate the carpet :)

be blessed and may your cup overflow!

Saturday, June 2, 2012

...just cry...

i have been told many times that this is the best advice i've ever given.

a woman came to my mops group.  she was pregnant and had a 12 month old.  upon seeing my gaggle of kids...she asked if i had any advice for her.

i smirked and said, 'just cry.'
she looked at me like i had just slapped i explained myself further...

you see...when we drive ourselves crazy to look like we have it all together because we don't want people to know that we are a complete wreck...we succeed.  people don't know that we are a complete wreck.  they don't they don't help.  that sucks.

if we are real.  crying when we need to cry...admitting when we are overwhelmed or stressed or needing help (even just someone to sit with us and give us some company as we fold our ever growing pile of laundry).  instead of waking up 4 hours ahead of our kids to make sure our hair and make-up is done.  not slaving away into the wee hours of the night making sure our house is spotless.  then people know that we are in over our heads...and they are able to come to our rescue. 

there is no extra credit.  no bonus points.  no A+ in life.  not even a perfect attendance award.

there is just grace.  grace and community.  so be real...embrace it.  just cry.

Friday, June 1, 2012

cha cha cha changes!

last night was a breakthrough night for me.  well...for our whole household.

yesterday day i decided it was time to move the baby in with his big brother.

i had toyed with the idea for over a month but fear and comfort, laziness and nostalgia kept his little pack-n-play firmly planted next to our bed.  he spent most nights in our bed anyway so i convinced myself that moving his bed would make no difference...

then, yesterday i just decided to surprise my husband with the blessing of a private room...

'little man'...when he was REALLY little

i fed the baby, prayed over him and we laid him down in his 'the boys room'...i almost cried.

he woke and cried for a minute around one o'clock but i prayerfully left him alone...i kept telling myself 'if he wakes up again...i will get him and bring him in with me.  except he didn't wake up again till 7 am.  usually he was waking at 1, 3, 5 and 7...

i had forgotten what a full night's sleep felt like.  i feel human again...i have a happy extremely happy husband...and even big brother is excited to have a roommate.
all my fears, comforts, laziness, and nostalgia seem completely crazy the light of how good this change was for all of us. 

do you have a big change looming in your near future?  maybe it is a change that God has been preparing you for since...forever.  maybe you're holding back for some reason...

battling fear?
too comfortable?

a little lazy?
nostalgic for the way things were?

                    STOP IT!  MAKE THE CHANGE ALREADY!!!

you may find that you will be blessed beyond your expectations...