Friday, December 21, 2012

the end of the world

my facebook feed has been blown up with the 90's song by REM...'s the end of the world as we know it...and i feel fine...
well...12/21/12...and nothing yet...but i'm not getting cocky about it.  in fact...i am making a decision.
today is the end of my world as i know it. 
what am i going to do differently?  i'm not exactly sure...maybe for starters i need to be more persistent in my pursuit of God.  i need to be more compassionate in my interactions with people.  and it's going to start today.'s the end of my world as i know it...and i feel fine...

Thursday, December 20, 2012

yes sir

i have never been accused of being 'too soft' on my kids.  in's usually the opposite.  i am a tough mom...but a loving mom.  and my kids are well behaved. (for the most part)

we go thru phases of grace and phases of me cracking down.  right now we are in a cracking down phase.  so much so that i am insisting my children say 'yes sir' or 'yes ma'am'.  not because i want my kids to be like little soldiers or blindly obedient.  i usually don't mind explaining my reasons for wanting them to do things.  but i am tired of the whining.  you know how it goes.

'mom, can i have come candy?'
'not right now.'

'please stop jumping on the couch.'
'BUT MAWWWWWUUUUMMMMMM!' nails on a chalkboard.

i was thinking about it though...God doesn't insist on our obedience. 

He sent His baby boy to die in my place and then gives me the choice to obey...  ???   ...

i just can't wrap my mind around it.  if i sent my sweet baby boy to be punished for something that he had no part in...if i made that'd better believe i'd let you know it...i'd remind you of that sacrifice every time i needed something from you.  when i asked you to do something i would expect you to say 'yes ma'am!'

...but God is God...and i am not.  (thankfully for all of

do you know how God reminds us that His precious Son walked away from His glorious place in heaven to come down and live in this garbage pit we call home? 

Father God lets us sing carols and give gifts to one another...

and how does He remind us that that same Son, although almighty and wise walked thru all that we walk thru...He experienced loss, disappointment, frustration...then He died in our place?  in my place?

Father God lets the sun rise every morning...and the flowers come up in the spring time...

He lets us experience the joy of snuggly babies and the sweetness of puppy breath and the delight of warm chocolate chip cookies. 

and even though He is always behind us whispering which way we should go and how we should act and what we should do...

He doesn't insist that we say 'yes sir'
...but He really does enjoy it when we obey...

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

indisputable facts

"we do not make requests of You because we are righteous,
 but because of Your great mercy. 
Lord, listen!  Lord, forgive! 
Lord, hear and act! 
for Your sake, my God, do not delay,
 because Your city and Your people bear Your Name." 
 Daniel 9:18:19
i've been pretty messed up lately. 
i'm not one to deal with grief well...i tend to crack jokes at inappropriate times...i don't do the same time i recognize how extremely blessed i am.  and it kinda bugs me.
i don't know why, but somehow this verse really spoke to my heart this morning.  i don't deserve to lick the boots of the Almighty.  i don't deserve to make requests or to ask Him why.  i am a doubtful, easily confused, rebellious, stubborn, dumb...sheep.  and i'm angry that there is injustice everywhere.  i am angry at sickness and death.  i am angry at depression and anxiety.  i am angry at all the garbage that has been clogging my joy ducts... i am selfish.  and i'm angry about that too.
geez i'm a mess.
but...back to the verse.  God loves me.  not because i deserve it...but because He's God.  He forgives my simplicity...not because i don't know any better...but because He's God.  He provides for my needs because He's God.  He lavishes favor and blessing on me...not because i am better than anyone else...but because He's God.  He is God.  and my not understanding,  my questioning, my anger, my confusion, my rebellion, even my disbelief...doesn't make Him any less God. 
so...i can struggle and doubt...i can be angry.  He can take it.  He's God and He loves me.  those are indisputable facts. 
i know that my joy ducts will eventually be clear of all this and i will walk in gratefulness again.  and i know that even if i walk in this fog of overwhelmed confliction for the rest of my life...God will still be God...and He'll still love me...because He is God.

Friday, December 14, 2012

heavy hearted heavy hearted...
...been like this too much lately...
i keep asking God why.
...then he reminds's not really about me...

Thursday, December 6, 2012


i made some craptastic biscotti the other night.

this is NOT my biscotti...but this is what i was aiming for...sigh...
first i burned the goodness out of it...then in an attempt to save it...i scraped all the charred ick off of each piece and 'drizzled' white chocolate onto them...except my white chocolate came out in nasty clumps.  my 4 year old could have done better.

they were edible...just not giftable. husband took them to work :)

a woman with italian heritage commented on what a wonderful husband he must be.  her family always said that if a woman has time to make biscotti it means that her man is taking good care of her.

what is funny is that lately i have been really
struggling with feeling cared for.  often my feelings are pushed to the side (as things should be when there are 4 little ones). 

i thought about complaining, whining and nagging...but i know better...those methods just push him further away.

i thought about giving him the silent treatment...but that doesn't actually accomplish anything...just makes him think i'm going to start my period soon.

i tried hinting...pfft!  that didn't work at husband is completely oblivious to are most men.

i tried flat out asking for more compassion on his part...but things get busy and then i get bitter...a really bad combo.

so...i prayed. 

it wasn't a long eloquent prayer (as you can tell...i'm far from eloquent) i just held my heart out to God for Him to fix it.

you know what's funny.  a few days later (maybe even a few weeks)  my husband asked me how i was feeling. husband woke me up one morning with some incredible news...he was staying home from work and he wanted me to take the day off. 
i went and got my hair cut (10 inches off and it's still past my!)
i ate out...inside the restaurant...and no one looked at me weird...and my food was hot.
i read a few chapters in a book that didn't have to do with my responsibilities.
i walked around the mall and picked up a few Christmas presents.

and the whole time i thanked my Father for speaking to my husband on my behalf. 

and then i got home and gushed over my husband for what a blessing the day was...and i made biscotti.

Monday, December 3, 2012


we cut down a Christmas tree...

taken by lori spellman at henson's hideaway
it's not for everyone...but it's my favorite family tradition.
what are your favorite traditions?