indisputable facts

 

"we do not make requests of You because we are righteous,

 but because of Your great mercy. 

Lord, listen!  Lord, forgive! 

Lord, hear and act! 

for Your sake, my God, do not delay,

 because Your city and Your people bear Your Name." 

 Daniel 9:18:19

 

i've been pretty messed up lately. 

 

i'm not one to deal with grief well...i tend to crack jokes at inappropriate times...i don't do funerals...at the same time i recognize how extremely blessed i am.  and it kinda bugs me.

 

i don't know why, but somehow this verse really spoke to my heart this morning.  i don't deserve to lick the boots of the Almighty.  i don't deserve to make requests or to ask Him why.  i am a doubtful, easily confused, rebellious, stubborn, dumb...sheep.  and i'm angry that there is injustice everywhere.  i am angry at sickness and death.  i am angry at depression and anxiety.  i am angry at all the garbage that has been clogging my joy ducts... i am selfish.  and i'm angry about that too.

 

geez i'm a mess.

 

but...back to the verse.  God loves me.  not because i deserve it...but because He's God.  He forgives my simplicity...not because i don't know any better...but because He's God.  He provides for my needs because He's God.  He lavishes favor and blessing on me...not because i am better than anyone else...but because He's God.  He is God.  and my not understanding,  my questioning, my anger, my confusion, my rebellion, even my disbelief...doesn't make Him any less God. 

 

so...i can struggle and doubt...i can be angry.  He can take it.  He's God and He loves me.  those are indisputable facts. 

 

i know that my joy ducts will eventually be clear of all this and i will walk in gratefulness again.  and i know that even if i walk in this fog of overwhelmed confliction for the rest of my life...God will still be God...and He'll still love me...because He is God.