the list

today's proverb inspired me to share a bit of my testimony...

as a teenager i was never without a boyfriend.

i mostly dated really great guys...you know the type that wanted to 'settle down' at 16.  actually...my husband was the 5th man to propose to me. 

every time i would date a guy, i would imagine our life together.  and i was always happy with what i saw.  ...or at least i thought i was.  i would always end up breaking up with the guy...never with a good reason.  just because i wasn't quite sure.

Proverbs 16:2

Humans are satisfied with whatever looks good;
God probes for what is good.

finally...in college...when my understanding of God's grace, mercy and love changed and i completely turned my life over to Him...something drastic happened.

i felt like God was calling me to fast from dating.  this was a big deal...but, figuring that He meant like 6 months or so...i chose to see it as a challenge and an adventure.

it ended up being 3 years.  ha. ha. ha.



during those 3 years God did an incredible work in me...i grew closer to Him than i could ever have imagined.  He was truly my best friend, lover of my soul, counselor, provider...i could go on and on.

i knew that i wanted to get married one day though.  and that since God isn't able to screw up...i wanted my husband to be His choice for me.  this led to...the list.

ok...i have to stop here for a second...

please don't think i am a holier-than-thou,

wack-job, radical that lives with my head

in the heavenlies all the time. 

 i am really quite practical most of the time...

on that note...

the list was a big deal to me.  i felt that God had created a specific man for me and created me for that man...and that since God knew who that man was...He could give me some indicators to look for.  i wasn't interested in dating for dating's sake anymore.  i didn't want to waste time with anymore great guys that weren't His choice for me.

so.  i prayed. 

'God, He has to be a serious follower...and be trying to be more like Jesus, okay?'

'daughter, that sounds good to me.'

'God, i really like musicians.  can he be a musician.'

'daughter, while the man i have for you may love music. 

 he is not a musician...that's just not what i have for you'

'oh...i guess i can be okay with that.'

we went back and forth like this and i ended up with a 3 page list.  down to height and eye color.  it wasn't a list of demands that i had for God...it was a list of indicators that God had for me.

so...i continued on...growing in my own relationship with my Father...and praying for the man He had for me to be growing as well.

fast forward to the end of year 3.  i felt like God was releasing me to date again and i sort of went stupid.  i dated a guy that was a musician...with brown eyes (not green)...that was far too tall for me.  i tried to make it work but the guy totally broke my heart.  i angrily shoved the list into the bottom of my desk drawer...and decided that i was going to be done with men on my own terms.

i was still licking my wounds a month later when i met my husband.  and i was completely not interested in getting into a relationship.  we hung out in a big group...no flirtation...no interest...just friends surrounded by other friends.  my girlfriends however, saw something different.  so...they broke into my dorm room and dug out the list. 

a few months later they came running to me with the list and every item was checked off.

so...i agreed to date my husband.  6 months later...we were engaged.  1 year later...we were married.  and now we have a gaggle of kids...hehehe.  things aren't perfect (actually according to the psychological community...our personalities are completely incompatible and we should not be happily married).  we are both seeking God though...and as we grow closer to our Father, we grow closer to one another by default.

i am so grateful now that i allowed God to 'probe for what was good'.  i sincerely thought that i would have been happy with any of the guys i had dated...and for the most part they were and are great guys...but as i see the paths they are on now...i understand more clearly.  God's way is the best way.