fun fat girl

well...i just had a realization...and i needed to process...so if you'll allow me...

i am a fun fat girl. 
   i like to bake cookies.
      i usually go for a second brownie.
         i make people laugh with my rebellious attitude toward my 'points'.
            corpse pose and child's pose are my favorite.
               (for the non-yoga set that translates to lying on the floor...not moving...)

i am not lazy. 
i even sort of like my 'curvy' figure.  (that's a word fat girls use to feel better about themselves...lol!

honestly...i don't have a huge issue with my weight.  i am awesome.  Jesus loves me.  that's all i need.

ok...but i'm not at a healthy place...and i just turned 30.  so i probably should make some baby steps toward getting myself under control. 

i have 2 major struggles though.  1 of them is jiggling.  i can't handle it.  when i jog down the road and my belly jiggles my pants off...  ...or even better... ...jumping jacks...  ...BAHAHAHA!

secondly...i'm a fun fat girl...
like someone who is a really fun drunk gets addicted to the way alcohol impacts their interactions i really like the way my attitude toward indulgence and my body colors my relationships (other than the one with my mother...but that's a whoooole 'nother post...and may require censorship).  i have a lot of friends that have struggled at one time or another with despising themselves...the beautiful creations that they are.  so i try to lead by example and even though i am super-thick...i love me.  and they love me...and maybe it helps them love themselves a little more.

but now it sounds idiotic..."i'm fat because it helps people"...yeah...it's pretty dumb.

at the same time...skinny people make me want to vomit...especially those that were heavy and have worked hard to become thin.  it's like an obsession.  they aren't any fun...they don't eat dessert...they are always posting how many miles they ran or how many pounds they have lost like the rest of the world should revolve around their hard work and weight loss...

but...these are first world problems...

go ahead and tell me to get over myself...thanks...i needed that.

i'm going to continue to work toward a healthier...albeit not very fun...lifestyle...and i'd appreciate any comments (good, bad, whatever)

and i promise to not post exclusively about my ominous sounding "weight loss journey"  and i will try to find a way to make celery and carrot sticks fun...